You MUST listen to this song. Whoever you are and whatever it is that you are battling this song will hit home and allow the emotion to flow.
I’m worn. Just plain tired. There I have said it. There is no sugar coating or fancy way of admitting defeat. This song made me weep and reminded me that I cannot possibly be alone in the fight. For weeks and months I (we) have been working so hard to understand the needs of my children and while I thought that maturity and age would bring more help, answers and even some fun, I feel like I was duped. Nobody told me that the stakes would feel so much higher, that I would be crazed some days to understand their behaviors, moods and worlds. It is difficult and painstaking work. It seems that the more time I spend trying to surrender to the notion that challenge happens in every family the more overwhlemed I feel about meeting all their needs and helping to shape them into intelligent well rounded God fearing people.
I seek God. I really do. Am I asking the right questions, is my heart in need of repair and reshaping? Am I selfish for wanting more harmony and a little less drama and fewer doctors visits? I lift my eyes to the sky every day and pray for strength and wisdom. I pray for a spirit filled mood and the right approach to each unique child I have been given. Yet the days feel long and unrelenting. There is liitle time to simply rest and just be. Just when I get one person settled, fed or moving in a forwardly direction it seems that another is rushing to my side in freak out mode. There is always something to prepare for the next outing, another dish to clean and piles of laundry to fold. Are we doing too much? you might ask. That is a very good question yet the days we do nothing with little structure or plan, it seems the struggles are often greater.
So I am venting and letting it all out with the hope of feeling the freedom in sharing that our days and our family are far from perfect. I share all of this to ask for prayer. We need prayer. We need grace and we need time without new health concerns and painful pasts rearing their troubled heads. We need days to just exist eager to love and learn from one another. Days to hope and feel gratitude rather than expectation. We need time to heal us as a family from all that pulls and ails. We need attitude adjustments, honed skills and more respectful and kind responses toward one and another. I’m worn and more than anything today I am asking for prayers for harmony, quiet and calm. I’m asking for the perfect storm to be lifted and for my frail eyes to lift toward Him.
Please God let me see redemption win. Let me know a song can rise out of the hard and heavy days of parenting five, running a business, helping aging parents and the overall pressure of getting it all done. Heaven come and flood my eyes as today I am just plain worn.